How to Get Rid of the Pains You Can’t Share with Anyone

By Esther Okoloeze

Many times than not, there's always the callout to share with the people around you what you are going through. But what if you can't share the pain that's eating deep into you, what if the pain is too fragile to share, what if you don't even believe that anyone would understand why you feel such pain?

Many people have trust issues with sharing what they are going through with others, so they keep it locked in.

You can't blame them, you can't blame yourself, there's always a root cause which can be from a lot, from childhood experiences, hurts and unhealed wounds, to the death of a dear one, broken engagements, failed marriages and faulty relationships.

In the next paragraphs, I'll give you insights about how I deal with my own pains so they don't infest and make you a hellish person. If you don't like to open up to people about your deepest pain, read on.

Identify with What You are Going Through

This is the first mistake you will make that will help fester your pain. Always own the pain you are going through, don't cancel it with religious and superstitious beliefs that say you are not the owner of the pain or the enemy is trying to make you his target.

No, pain is real and it happens because you are going through experiences that stand against your plans, your expectations and thoughts. So admit that you are heartbroken if you are, admit that you felt humiliated with the way someone talked down on you. When you do, that is where the healing starts.

Name the Emotions You Feel And Identify What Is Fueling Them

Can you point out the emotions you experience per time? This is very important because I've come to realize that the emotion “anger” is very abused. You may actually be “hurt” and “dejected” but you think you are angry because others tell you so.

Do you feel hurt or angry? Misused or abused? Disappointed or disadvantaged? Sober or depressed? Learning to decipher the right emotion will help you identify what fuels them and seek the right solution.

What Conversation Are You Having In Your Mind?

The conversation you have with yourself is another big contributor to your pain. You just lost a friend or dear family member and you are beaten down.

You imagine what could have happened, why you, why now, what would have been different, what could have prevented the incident from occurring and a thousand other repressing and depressing thoughts. All these make you feel like a victim thrown into a world where you have no control over your outcomes.

Thoughts are powerful, one beautiful thought can change the rest of your emotion and wellbeing. It is therefore important to identify when your thoughts become negative adding sparks to your pain.

Try the Mirror Talk Exercise

The mirror talk is helpful if talking to someone feels unfamiliar and uncomfortable. I do this when I have a lot of emotions to pour and don't feel like having a second party, the mirror becomes my listening ear.

I get to the mirror and unburden all my pains, hurts, insecurities. It is very therapeutic, you'll feel so free after doing the exercise.

Self-examine The Experience That Caused the Pain

If you don't learn to break away from the noise, sit by yourself in a dark, quiet room and have mental conversations with yourself, you will be living life on the edge. You will become so full of heavy baggage that will continuously drown you, wear you out and deplete the quality of your life.

Take time in the early hours of the morning if you wake up with a burdened heart to purge yourself of whatever is clamping down on your spirit before it ruins your day.

Do the same before you go to bed.

Share With Someone Who Understands

If you can bring yourself to it, you’ll notice that there’s someone in your circle who truly cares and is ready to walk through with you. Don’t push them away because of your insecurities.

Tell Yourself What You Would Like To Feel

Just as you can feel negative emotions by having negative thoughts, you can equally change your narrative by asking yourself what do you truly want to experience right away. Peace? Intense happiness? Forgiveness? Healing? Name it, then tell yourself that is what you want to experience. It won't take your realities away but it will change your perception about them and that too, will make your life more smiley.

Tell God About Your Weakness And Restraint

If what you feel seems beyond what you can deal with, one solution I know is telling God about your weakness and how you can't find the courage to overcome it. He listens to his own and will surely help you get through it.

I’ve written this to encourage you who don’t like to talk about it. There are many ways to deal with that pain and it begins with accepting that you feel pain.

About the contributing author:

Esther Okoloeze is a creative entrepreneur, storyteller, editor and creative writing guide. She runs a freelance outfit in literary editing and coaching while pursuing her writing dreams.

Esther has worked with private sector entrepreneurs, businesses, organizations both locally and internationally in storytelling, creative writing and content publishing, entrepreneurship training and coaching in the last four years.

She has trained over 500 young people in storytelling, creative and content writing. She’ll be publishing her debut novel in November, 2020. She is also a teens’ positivity advocate and a professional network marketer.

She can be reached via estherokoloeze.com and @estherokoloeze (Instagram).